From the Mouth of Sauron
Date: 01-?-95
Issue: E-26
Note: all authors retain exclusive rights to their material.
Reprinting is allowed for non-commercial game use only.
The Mouth is edited by Brian Mason and Tom Walton. All correspondence
can be sent to them at:
Brian Mason - mason@chara.gsu.edu
Tom Walton - kazandar@aol.com, kazandar@delphi.com
First Word ===========
In writing this I looked back to see how long it had been since an
issue of "From the Mouth of Sauron" had come out and was surprised to
see that it had been nearly five months! It really didn't seem like
that long of a hiatus, but as many of you know we've been planning on
getting this going again for some time.
The format of "From the Mouth of Sauron" will be slightly different for
the next 10 issues. The publication of "The Mouth" will coincide with
the turns of game 22 of the 2950 scenario, all players of which are
mouth subscribers. Over this ten issue period we will be providing
extensive information on this game, but will also, over this time
publish no encounter, setup, or strategy articles for the 2950 game (we
will accept them and hold them for publication in issue 36).
These next ten issues will continue to have encounter information and
strategy articles related to the 1650 scenario, but you better write
them as I am not in any games of that scenario at the present time.
Starting with issue 36 we will accept strategy and other data related
to the 2950 scenario. We will, with that issue, publish all nation
setups and I will attempt to draft some of my fellow players to write
"Strategy & Tactics" articles for their position.
I'd like some feedback on two points: first, is their any need for a
"News from the Net" column or do most subscribers have access to the
newsgroup rec.games.pbm, and second, is their interest in starting an
all "all Mouth" game of the 1650 scenario?
Finally, let me close with a word of appreciation to my fellow editor
Tom Walton who started this ezine over a year ago. It is a real
pleasure to be working with you on this again, Tom. I'll meet you at
Mt. Gunabad!
Brian
Archive News
============
>From Brian Mason
The general info files and back issues of "From the Mouth of Sauron"
are now available via anonymous FTP and on the World Wide Web. The WWW
entry is in Brian Mason's home page, the URL for which is:
http://chara.gsu.edu/PEOPLE/mason.html
A sample FTP session is found below.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
mason@hujer:~/ % ftp chara.gsu.edu
Connected to hujer.
220 hujer.chara.gsu.edu FTP server ready.
Name (chara.gsu.edu:mason): anonymous
331 Guest login ok, send e-mail address as password.
Password:
230- Welcome to the FTP Service of
230- Georgia State University Astronomy
230------------------------------------------
230-Directories:
230- Array- Chapters of the proposal of the Center
230- for High Angular Resolution Astronomy to
230- construct a large interferometric
230- telescope facility.
230- sacnews- Postscript copies of the monthly
230- newsletter of the Saguaro
230- Astronomy Club, edited by Paul Dickson
230- (p.dickson@az05.bull.com)
230-
230-Please read the file README-ftp
230- it was last modified on Mon Apr 4 18:05:08 1994
230- - 254 days ago
230 Guest login ok, access restrictions apply.
ftp> cd mouth
250 CWD command successful.
ftp> dir
200 PORT command successful.
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for /bin/ls.
total 1641
drwxrwxr-x 2 ftp 16 1024 Dec 14 08:52 .
dr-xr-xr-x 19 ftp 21 512 Dec 14 08:49 ..
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 201866 Dec 14 08:50 mepbm.1650_info
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 9406 Jan 3 1994 mouth_01
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 53747 Jul 1 10:08 mouth_02
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 9269 Jan 3 1994 mouth_02_riddles
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 43561 Jul 1 10:10 mouth_03
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 39054 Jan 18 1994 mouth_04
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-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 79657 Jul 14 08:12 mouth_08
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 63132 Feb 18 1994 mouth_09
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-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 46156 Jul 14 08:16 mouth_11
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 31731 Mar 18 1994 mouth_12
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 33799 Mar 28 1994 mouth_13
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 63171 Apr 7 1994 mouth_14
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 71271 Jul 14 08:17 mouth_15
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 68476 Apr 22 1994 mouth_16
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 31430 May 2 1994 mouth_17
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-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 60341 Jul 8 08:54 mouth_23
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 56281 Jul 21 11:14 mouth_24
-rw-r--r-- 1 281 16 163376 Aug 19 10:43 mouth_25
226 Transfer complete.
1870 bytes received in 1.3 seconds (1.4 Kbytes/s)
ftp> bye
221 Goodbye.
=================================================
Formatting Tips
===============
>From Tom Walton
This section here is designed to impose a bit of regularity on
submissions so that your kindly editors don't have to spend large
quantities of time reformatting your articles. Reformatting an issue
of the Mouth takes far longer than any other editorial activity
involved in putting together this publication.
Instead of going into the technicalities of the "why's" concerning the
way we do things (most of you already know these things far better than
I), I'll get right to the point:
- avoid using word-processor-specific commands like 'bold',
'underline', 'center', etc. These aren't supported in ASCII text
documents. Avoid tabs as well; use spaces instead.
- if you work in a wordprocessor, use a standard font such as gothic-12
or courier-12. This converts most readily into ASCII text without the
odd spacing errors that occur in other fonts (or the misread line
lengths).
- again if you work in a wordprocessor, set the right margin to 2
inches. Some of our readers use ancient mainframe systems with
shorter-than-normal line length limitations. Excess line lengths hard
return or are simply cut off on their systems, so we use a reduced-
length format to accommodate them.
- if you aren't working in a wordprocessor or a mail system that acts
like a wordprocessor, use manual hard returns 12-15 characters before
the end of every line. If you're unsure of what I'm talking about, cut
a piece of the Mouth into your email; the longest line in that piece is
the longest any of your lines should be in your article.
(If you fail to tighten the margins and send us an article, the
conversion into ASCII text will slap a hard return on the end of every
line. That means that when we cut your article into the Mouth, we have
to go through and manually remove all of those extra hard returns.)
- if you can, avoid using tables and columns. Some of these come
across just fine, others don't; but even if your mail system doesn't
mangle them, mine probably will. The AOL mailer is a wordprocessor and
will attempt to format your columns, often blowing them all to hell.
Or it'll do it on the way back out, when the Mouth goes to you.
For those who wish to do so, you can send me zipped or uuencoded files
at kazandar@delphi.com. Brian also has full internet access and can
receive files in these formats.
Rules and Syntax Changes
========================
>From Brian Mason
With the advent of the 2950 game of Middle-earth Play-by-Mail it seemed
appropriate to look at changes in the rulebook.
Rules changes from 3rd edition 1650 rules to 1st edition 2950 rules:
1. - p 23 - "Population center falls to 15 or
below..."
2. - p 26 - "Highest command rank takes over"
3. - p 29 - "Armies are able (as Navies) to traverse
seas or major rivers, even when there is
no bridge or ford."
4. - p 30 - "If the army/navy attempts to occupy..."
5. - p 33 - "except spells 412, 418, 428"
6. - p 33 - "Not all spells can be practiced."
7. - p 49 - change of wording to last paragraph not
significant
8. - p 51 - artifacts 191 - 213 added
9. - p 52 - "occur in any hex a Navy may normally
occupy"
10. - p 57 - change in army combat algorithm format
11. - p 60 - delete please
12. - p 64 - last sentence added to orders 230, 235,
and 240
13. - p 65 - army/navy added to 250, 255 and last
sentence
14. - p 65 - not a navy added to order 260
15. - p 72 - last sentence added to order 257
16. - p 74 - orders 400 to 412: changes to order
number and number of troops
17. - p 83 - last sentence to order 498
18. - p 83 - order 500: "essentially with regard to
emissary and agent actions"
19. - p 83 - order 505: permanently expressly added
20. - p 84 - order 525: 15 or below
21. - p 86 - order 565: last sentence
22. - p 87 - orders 605/610: "agents guarding tend to
be effective against agents twice their
skill rank."
23. - p 92 - order 865: "and must belong to a
different nation."
24. - p 95 - order 760: "except the company
commander."
25. - p 97 - order 780: "This order can be used to
change the Army/Navy or company commander
or to consolidate two or more forces
under one commander."
26. - p 98 - order 790: "except the company
commander."
27. - p 100 - Order 830: "Maximum movement points are
14."
28. - p 100 - Order 840: not a navy and longer
explanation added.
29. - p 101 - Order 870: "they may not be the same..."
and other changes
30. - p 101 - Order 905: "at sea."
31. - p 103 - Order 940: "except spells 412, 418, 428"
32. - p 106 - Population Centers: True/False --->
Yes/No
In addition to these changes, the following are changed artifacts:
10: Dwarven Ring of Power ---> Wolor Priest Ring
17: Horn of Fear ---> Ring of Angrenost
36: Suimbalmynas ---> Bone Ring
63: Cu-Saggha-Brath ---> Deepwood Bracelet
69: Erchmar ---> Corantir
120:Hammer of the Deeps ---> Amulet of Sea
Mastery
123:Amulet of Communing ---> Wood Shadow
124:Herufea ---> Robes of Aman
140:Hammer of Returning ---> Red Robes
173:Hammer of Balli ---> Deacollo
If you see any other changes or differences please submit them so that
we may get a complete accounting of how things have changed.
=======================================================
THE "FROM THE MOUTH OF SAURON" 2950 GAME ROGUES GALLERY
=======================================================
1. Steve Latham ozz@majiq.com
-------------------------------------------------------
2. Mike Hostetter michael_hostetter@jhuapl.edu
-------------------------------------------------------
3. Rochelle Newman v313mdm8@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dave Rossell v011l6fc@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
My brief Me-PBM gaming history is:
Northmen, Game 93
Woodmen, Game 119
Long Rider, Game 175 (now under way)
No set philosophy except the best defense is a good
offense (and a hidden, inaccessible capital).
-------------------------------------------------------
4. Paul Erik Lundstroem polle@murazor.ping.dk
My name is Paul Erik (Paul is just fine), and I'm
from Denmark. As there might be some geographical
black spots with some of you: it's in the northern part
of Europe (Scandinavia), it's the home of Hans
Christian Andersen and Wonderful Copenhagen (and me!),
and the little Mermaid (she comes with plenty of
japanese tourists). I live in Copenhagen, am 31 years
old, and work with computers for an airline company. If
there's anything else you want to know about my person,
feel free to ask! By the way, Polle is my knickname, if
anybody wondered about my e-mail address (murazor you
know!). I've played MePBM for a little more than a
year. It's with GAD games in the UK, and it works fine.
There has been some incidents earlier, where rules
changes has been implemented by GSI, and discussed in
the Mouth, but wasn't in effect in the UK, yet. Well,
then we knew what was in store for us! In the 1650 game
I've played the Eothraim (hard work!), the Witch-king,
Quiet Avenger and the Easterlings. I love MePBM because
of 2 things: I love Tolkiens universe and his writings;
it's a great game! (well, that was 3 things, but I
hope it doesn't matter!). In particular, I like the
need for co-operation and inter-action/diplomacy in the
game, and the very good blend between a pure wargame
and the more character oriented game. The reason why
I've joined this game is simply, that I feel it's a
very good way to start a new scenario! I can still
remember my first 4 - 5 turns in the 1650 game as the
Quiet Avneger: it was a pure and great mystery that
unfolded itself! It didn't last long, though, with all
the info shifting around - but, I still remember it! I
can sympathize with the gamers that collects info as
fast as possible, but when this great opportunity came,
I simply had to try and join!
I'm looking very much forward to play with you all
(and against some of you)! Please remember: the US
east coast is about 6 hours behind Denmark (heh-heh),
and I don't know about the west coast! I expect to use
my e-mail to the fullest in this, and hope my
team-mates will do the same! It might also take a
couple of days more before I get my results - but it'll
work just fine, I'm sure!
-------------------------------------------------------
5. Ron Cudworth rcc6@jaguar.uofs.edu
Game # 4 - Haradwaith After killing most of the
Cloud Lord and a few Long Rider characters Arch-Mage
Ejenna tossed the One Ring into the fiery pits of Mt.
Doom, thus destroying the One Ring. Final VP
total: 2550
Game # 8 - Corsairs (Placed 3rd) Led the final
assault that forced the Goods to drop.
Game # 35 - Cloud Lord (Current) Currently setting
a record for the most kills Will place in the top 3.
(The Free People don't stand a chance.)
Game #101 - Witch King (Finished) Held out until
the Free people forced two of last four Dark Servants
out of the game. My characters topped the list for
natural and net skill ranks.
Game #135 - Dark Lts. (Finished) Dark Servants
won. Didn't place, but my characters made half of the
best character listings.
Game #125 - Witch King (Contest of Champions)
Still going on. Helping coordinate the total
destruction of the Free People. Managed to lose all
holdings in the north except one and stay in the game.
Coming on strong in victory points.
Aliases - Drakken, Scarimus, Marcus Aurelius
-------------------------------------------------------
6. Mark Jaede v123h3m2@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
-------------------------------------------------------
7. Brian Lowery brian@majiq.com
Game History:
87 - Dragon Lord
97 - Witch King
104 - Nodo ELves
143 - Easterlings
151 - N. Gondor
152 - Cloud Lord.
185 - Rhudar
The above game most notible was probably 97 were I
went toe to toe with our editor Brian Mason for over a
year. Because of these many battles and knowing Brians
tendancies to play FP positions I decided to try play
with him and signed up for five FP positions.
-------------------------------------------------------
8. Chris O'Donnell
odonnell.eodtc@eodmgate.navsea.navy.mil
UaDonal (Gaelic, born of the ruler of the world)
Only one game under my belt (well not even fully
under yet, Tom and Shawn need to get on the stick).
Militant minded, S&T player in early thirties. Likes
battle, blood, battle in that order. Ability to
perform politically and subversively if necessary.
Seeks cultured, conniving darks servants who have use
for Culculhan heroics.
-------------------------------------------------------
9. Brian Mason mason@chara.gsu.edu
1650
====
62 - Cardolan (eliminated) Fought long given the
circumstances (Rhudaur and Dunlendings went DS,
Arthedain dropped early) but was eventually conquered
due to the actions of the Dunlendings and Witch-King
(and in no small measure to the inactivity of the Noldo
and Dwarves).
97 - Rhudaur (FP; eliminated) A great game. Past
issues of "From the Mouth of Sauron" talked some about
this game, and it has been my most enjoyable game to
date.
131 - Northern Gondor (dropped) This game was a
fiasco from the start. Four of the FP positions were
played by GAD folks who missed turns with great
regularity. By the time the positions were passed off
to standby players there was not enough left to play
with. Four of the five neutrals dropped by turn 5.
2950
====
3 - Sinda Elves (---) This game is only four
turns old, so little can be said, apart from my great
fortune to be playing with Tom Walton once more.
-------------------------------------------------------
10. Tom Walton kazandar@aol.com,
kazandar@delphi.com
I've been in more games than I can count or
remember (something like 14 or 15 with the start of
22-2950). Despite this, I've never placed nor, indeed,
even seen the end of a game; so I don't have any
impressive credentials to give you. I figure you can
interpret this one of two ways: either I really suck
at this puppy and put up a good front; or I get
terribly bored in the clean-up phase of the end-game
and drop to go play something more challenging. If you
ask around, I'm sure you can get some wildly varying
opinions, especially from a few folks on compuserve....
Total playing time is going on three years and I've
averaged about thirty turns per game (I've seen almost
all of my games to the obvious conclusion). This may
put me in the top ten for turns played by a single
person; I'm sure I hold the title for turns played
without ever winning anything. I specialize in lost
causes, playing the underdog, fighting against
overwhelming odds, and anything which really stretches
my ingenuity to its limits. Easy battles which are
little more than organized overruns interest me not in
the slightest. If you and I were to fight the Civil
War, I'd take the Confederacy in a heartbeat. ( hope
my presence on the Free team isn't some sort of ill
omen....)
Current games: 115 - Cloud Lord, 2950/3 - Rohirrim
(barring imminent bankruptcy), 2950/22 - those snotty
little elves in the North.
=======================================================
11. Wes Fortin baklor@aol.com
-------------------------------------------------------
12. John Chrzas physchrzas@minna.acc.iit.edu
-------------------------------------------------------
13. Ross Weaver u9214727@muss.cis.mcmaster.ca
-------------------------------------------------------
14. Paul Plag paul_plag@qmgate.anl.gov
-------------------------------------------------------
15. Mike Tebrinke mike_tebrinke@aud.alcatel.com
-------------------------------------------------------
16. Andy Wise grond@bbs.xnet.com
-------------------------------------------------------
17. Dave Holt holt@chromatic.com
This is my first 2950 game, but I've played in LOTS
of 1650 games. As I write this, I find it humorous to
note that I seem to have gotten worse the more games
I've played :-(
52 - Ice King, placed 2nd
62 - Corsairs (DS), placed 3rd
71 - Sinda, placed 4th
101 - North Gondor, placed 5th (we beat the DS in
under 20 turns, and I captured 5 DS capitals + most of
Mordor)
111 - Northmen, almost eliminated, but fighting
back. The one ring is the FP's only hope in this DS
romp
130 - South Gondor (pickup), doing ok. Wierd
game. Almost no communication among the FP. I'm duking
it out with combined Harad and Corsairs who both went
DS and am doing ok so far. I've destroyed most of North
Harad and will capture the rest. I've captured most of
Harad's starting navy and have destroyed the Corsair's
starting navy.
138 - Easterlings (FP), just eliminated. The DS
were efficient and effective and outplayed the FP in
this game. I went FP to try something daring and
different. Well, it was fun, but it's tough to be a FP
Easterling against a concerted & coordinated DS team.
This game should soon be over.
162 - 5x2 - QA & LR - doing fine. This is a GREAT
game! I highly recommend the 5x2 format for anyone
who's considering it, but ONLY if you really know your
team-mates and trust their play. In 162, the FP are
very well played, and we're not doing so badly
ourselves. There's a 3/2 neutral split with Rhudaur,
Corsairs, & Harad going DS. The game is well balanced
to this point, with the FP having lost LOTS of
characters, and the DS having lost 2 or 3 starting
capitals. It's too early to call who's going to win.
Each side is using the built-in advantages To the
utmost (FP: strong economy, armies; DS: dragons,
agents). Whether we win or lose (and we DO intend to
win!), this is the most fun MEPBM game I've been in by
far.
-------------------------------------------------------
18. Joe Thomas jhthomas@oracle.com
-------------------------------------------------------
19. Rich Frost rafrost@aol.com
Game 8, started as Eothraim, got killed, took
over Cardolan from a friend who dropped.
Game 48, Woodman, Side victor, finished but did
not place.
Game 70, Dragon Lord, standbye position, taken
over in turn 10. Side Victory, out of placing by 100
points.
Game 163, Dunlendings, still in process, Turned
good, Dark Servants being blown away.
-------------------------------------------------------
20. David Ringrose
david.ringrose@sprint.sprint.com
=======================================================
21. Jeremy Edmonds jedmonds@gi.com
-------------------------------------------------------
22. Darryl Kulkis dkulkis@delphi.com
-------------------------------------------------------
23. Glen Mayfield bomay@aol.com
-------------------------------------------------------
24. Shawn Glass mjhst37+@pitt.edu
-------------------------------------------------------
25. Darin Fitzpatrick
defitzpa@aona.remnet.rockwell.com
I, Darin Fitzpatrick, have introduced myself to
everyone in various articles in the Mouth. I started
ME-PBM with GAD Games, the UK licensee of GSI, and I am
still leading Game 27 as Southern Gondor. (1783 points,
picked up VC #5 last turn.) I hope that we will have
rooted out the Long Rider and crushed the last remnants
of the Harad rebellion by the time this game starts, as
I am also active in 2 GSI games: Dragon Lord in
1650-157 and Dog Lord in 2950-14.
In Game 14, I am restricting myself to "internal"
information only. I have setups from my teammates and
hope to get them from my other allies, but I have
turned down offers of Free People setups and artifact
lists. I think that this is a practical approach that
maintains the spirit of this "non-info" game, but
allows me to be a good team player in 14. Others who
are already in 2950 games might have other
philosophies, which I would be interested in hearing.
If anyone feels that this violates the spirit of our
game, please let me know.
In real life, I am a manufacturing engineer with
Rockwell International. I work in the boring Automotive
division, not the cool space shuttle part. I worked and
lived in Frankfurt, Germany, for 3 years. I now live
in Rock Hill, South Carolina, which is a rather big
change, but I enjoy being back in the States. My wife's
name is Michaele and we have a 5-month-old son, Colin.
Michaele doesn't play and doesn't like fantasy games,
but she likes me, so she puts up with them. :)
I'm looking forward to this one. The idea of 25
players joining at once is appealing, even without the
info ban, and I hope it means that everyone is
committed to finishing the game. Remember that the
single biggest influence (IMHO) on the outcome of
ME-PBM is the number of players who stick it out. This
just occurred to me - I would be willing to fund 20
turns up front, in order to encourage staying in, if
everyone else would, too.
Any takers?
My other points of contact:
Darin Fitzpatrick
1744-203 India Hook Rd.
Rock Hill, SC 29732
(803) 366-1709 (home)
(803) 684-2523 (work)
(803) 684-8748 (fax at work - be discreet, please!)
Barbs and Brags
===============
Darrin Fitzpatrick
------------------
FOR SALE OR RENT: World-class military organization,
complete with own infrastructure and command team.
Suitable for missions across Rhovanion or incursions
into Mordor. Adaptable to customer needs. Full
support and 24-hour hotline service included. Contact
Box 4133 with price range and timing requirements.
First come first served.
Brian Mason
------------
Words from the Golden Wood:
To all you Worthy Allies, Free Lords of the Free,
Greetings!
I hope this first fortnight of Winter finds you all
well. Our kindest and most familiar felicitations go
out to each of you.
As the fire of your hearth keeps you warm in these
Winter months, so too must be our resolve, like a
burning brand of fire, to bring to an end forever this
blight upon Arda. The Shadow must depart!
To all you worthy potential allies, as yet unaligned
Powers, greetings as well!
It is our sincerest hope that you will join us in this
cleansing of the world and then stand with us as these
foul minions of Sauron the Accursed are cast into the
Void.
To those Slaves of Sauron, we give you the following:
Scorn and defiance; slight regard, contempt,
And any thing that may not misbecome
The mighty sender, doth we prize you at.
The Ringwraiths: A Cautionary Poem of Real Estate Values
==================================================
by Damrod the Deft, Agent Extraordinaire of Nothern Gondor
(With abject apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
By the shores of old Lake Nurnen, by the turbid pea-green waters
Lived nine vile little ringwraiths and the Evil One, their father.
Up and spoke young Hoarmurath as he rose and saw the dark view,
"This place has become a cesspool. It has lost its resale value.
"Let us practice home improvement. Let us build a massive tower.
It will make us worth a bundle. Surely that's within our power."
So the ringwraiths started building, stacking blocks of carven
granite.
They constructed Barad-dur to be the largest on the planet.
When they finished they beheld it leering o'er the blasted ash-plain.
Ren said, "This will make old Mordor worth pile of silver again."
Yet they soon began to wonder if they'd done much for their wallets.
Who the heck would want to live there? How could they begin to sell
it?
Then up spoke the wraith Uvatha: "This has done no good at all. You
know we'll never sell this joint. It still has got no resale value."
"Then," said Khamul, second Nazgul, "we must find a new location.
Let's set up inside the Greenwood. Let's get going; I'm impatient."
So the wraiths went to the Greenwood, found some real estate and
settled
down to practice home improvement, piling up more stone and metal.
Dendra Dwar said "Let's be careful, size alone just will not sell. You
have to make this joint more cozy. Then it will have resale value."
So they builded up Dol Guldur, dressed it up with rotting bracken
Snugged it round with giant spiders, who, when strangers came, attacked
'em.
Then, said Akhorahil, "Bingo! This will make us all a killing!"
Yet when it went on the market, they found not one buyer willing.
"Maybe they don't like the spiders," said the Witch-king, feeling
gloomy
"It's a shame. We took such care to make the torture chambers roomy."
"I'm disgusted," said Ji Indur. "Khamul you were just a shill. You
made us plow our savings in here and it has no resale value!"
Then Adunaphel spoke up, "Apartments are the road to fortune.
In the Misty Mountains we can build a dozen giant orc-dens."
So the wraiths began to wander, founding orc-dens, troll-dens, wolf
lairs.
Filled them up with smelly lowlifes and neglected every repair.
Soon enough the orc-dens crumbled and the renters told them, "Pals, you
just can't charge us any rent, and these holes have no resale value."
So the ringwraiths still do travel, ever making bad investments,
Ever fouling up the landscape, giving neighbors big resentments.
Let this poem be a warning to the Neutrals one and all who
Wonder "Should I join them? Will my home lose all its resale value?"
Would you live next to a swamp? A spider lair? A graveyard spirit?
Never! Nor would any other buy your place if wraiths were near it.
Never let these ringwraiths near you! Never let them start
construction!
You will find your own land values plunging to complete destruction.
Side with us, the true Free Peoples! Side with us, the better
neighbors!
Do not let the wraiths move in! You'll lose the fruit of all your
labors!
Elves and Woodmen make great neighbors, keep their homes up, and do all
you'd
Ever want to help your home appreciate in resale value.
At Edoras
=========
>From Dave & Rochelle
Golden light from beeswax candles bathed the hall and the revelers at
the midwinter feast. Laughter and music swirled with the light and
shadows in the hall, transforming the whole atmosphere into a brew as
rich as the mead in his cup.
So thought Theoden, son of Thengel, at this his 50th midwinter
festival. Light and dark, birth and death, waxing and waning, end of
the old year, beginning of the new. Theoden snorted into his cup as he
took another sip. Midwinter always makes me philosophical, he
thought. Or perhaps it's all the mead. He set the cup carefully on
the table, and let his eyes lose focus to admire the motes of light
dancing from the gem-encrusted chalice. Someone touched his shoulder
and he looked up with a start to see Eowyn looking down at him.
"Your usual Midwinter meleancholy my King?" she asked. Her sad
smile conveyed the sympathy that the words did not.
"Ah, just too much mead, that's all," he grumbled. "It happens
every year."
At that point a flustered page scurried up to Theoden and
whispered in his ear, as his hand reached for his cup once more. The
king's hand eased to the table of its own accord, as the blood drained
from Theoden's face. "Send him in," he rasped, and the page bustled
back to the door, unnoticed. Amazing how quickly mead can leave one's
system, Theoden thought, feeling older than he ever thought he'd feel.
So. It has come to this.
Eowyn started at Theoden's pallor, and started to speak, but was
silenced by an impatient flick of the king's hand. Then she heard the
door open, and the sound of armor and spurs as someone strode into the
hall. All talk, all merriment, stopped as the mud-spattered courier
walked forward and kneeled at the high table. As he rose, he pulled
from his cloak an arrow, and set it before Theoden.
"My lord king, in times of yore, the ancestors of this house made
a solemn vow to the kings of Gondor that they would ride to their
assistance in time of need. The time has come."
"The Red Arrow," Theoden more breathed than spoke the words, as
though he had seen his own tomb open before him.
"Lord, Denethor has bid me ride to you with this token, asking you
to honor your vow and come to our aid. The Evil One has awoken, and
his minions defile the Anduin. The Gondors stand, but cannot last long
if they stand alone."
Theoden's mouth worked, but no sound came, and he looked toward
Eowyn, shieldmaiden and sister-daughter, standing straight, her gaze
distant, as if she could already see the struggle, and welcomed it.
Well she might welcome it, for she has seen little enough of war,
Theoden thought. But she reminds me of my better self, and my duty.
"Very well. We will come. Every man, every woman, every drop of
blood, every ounce of gold we will spend until evil is driven from the
land, or until we lie lifeless in the dust!" His ending shout rang
from the rafters, and the revelers cheered to see their king and his
sister-daughter in their glory.
"Sound the horns! Let the marshalling commence!" Then Theoden
turned to the messenger and said, "Good rider, tell the Steward that we
come, and that we pledge our lives, our homes to this cause."
Hiron the courier wept from joy and the sight of the mighty king,
and bowed as the echoes of the sounding horns resounded through the
hall and out into the brittle midwinter night.
At Rivendell, In a Slightly Different Vein
==========================================
>From Tom Walton
The party at Imladris was marching merrily into it's eighth day
now, as rivers of wine and mead swept the jubilant crowd along a
never-ending stream of dance, music, and song. The elves of the hidden
vale seemed none the worse for wear despite imbibing great quantities
of hard liquor; the same couldn't be said for Eomer, the lone mortal
participant in the festivities.
When Eomer arrived at Elrond's abode to bring the grim news of
Sauron's return to Mordor to the ears of the Council, he expected the
mood to be one of dark brooding, much like it was at his uncle's court
in Edoras. Nothing could have surprised him more than when Lord Elrond
called a feast in honor of Eomer's arrival, a feast which soon
degenerated into a week-long holiday with no end in sight.
Though it seemed somewhat scandalous to celebrate when
Middle-Earth was perched precariously over the precipice of ruin, Eomer
knew that being mortal he hadn't a clue how elven minds worked; and so
he resolved out of politeness to join his hosts in their merry-making.
He had thought, mistakenly it now seemed, that the feast would end
after a single night and then they would get down to the grim business
of plotting war against the Shadow.
But such was not to be. Early in the first night, whilst
staggering about the Last Homely House on drunken feet, Eomer had been
beset by two elven maidens (twins? he couldn't be sure) who professed
a curiosity in mortals. After a brief period of conversation (mostly
on the part of the maidens, since Eomer's tongue was having trouble
with the mead) it turned out that their curiosity was most intent on
questions concerning certain aspects of mortal anatomy; mortal male
anatomy, to be precise. Once Eomer's befogged brain finally discerned
this fact - at about the time they had taken him to a private room and
started disrobing him - he began to think that perhaps Elrond's festive
response was indeed appropriate after all. In fact, he was beginning
to think quite firmly that he'd died and gone to heaven.
But that was then and this was now. As that first night wore on
into the morning, then into the afternoon, it soon became apparent that
mortal vitality could in no way match that of the immortal elves; and
Eomer's feeble protests that he needed rest - badly - were brushed off
with silver laughter and insistent hands. It was only after the
maidens had gone to seek out some mead that he managed to limp away
into the darkened halls and hide from his erstwhile playmates.
Not for long, unfortunately. They soon found him again, and when
Eomer finally stooped to a cowardly retreat - actually, he ran
pell-mell into the surrounding forest - he found that not only were
elves fleeter of foot, but that even elven maidens were stronger than
oxes.
And so his days continued for the last week, much of it spent
drinking, more of it spent hiding, and still more spent satisfying the
curiosity of his new friends. 'Tis no wonder few mortals speak of
Imladris,' he thought, 'so very few survive the experience'.
He had escaped once again, thinking himself close to an untimely
death by exhaustion (though he couldn't think of a better way to go,
really) when he ducked into a small room - only to find himself in
Elrond's study. And there, sitting behind a massive oak desk, was the
elusive Elrond himself. Also there were his two friends, both sitting
on Elrond's lap.
"Ah, there you are, Lord Eomer", Elrond said with a smile,
completely missing the fact that Eomer's face had gone white as a sheet
at the sight of the maidens,"my cousins were just talking about you."
"Um, yes", Eomer muttered eloquently, wishing he'd fallen from his
horse and broken his neck before he ever came here. Elrond's cousins?
Gods, what would the elf do to him if he knew? "Your cousins, you
say?"
"Well, it's a bit complicated," Elrond frowned. "Being immortal,
you know, elven family history can be confusing in its complexity. I
could draw you a chart if you like," Elrond started searching through
his desk for a quill. "Or perhaps a wall-map would be more
appropriate."
"No need, Lord," Eomer replied. He didn't want to know how
closely these two were related to Elrond. "But I would like to get
down to more serious matters, if we could."
"Ah, yes," Elrond sighed. "Sauron, and all that. Nasty little
Maiar, let me tell you. Not someone you want to make crank calls on a
palantir to."
"I'm sure, my lord," Eomer said, attempting to puzzle out Elrond's
mysterious observation.
"I thought we'd kicked his evil ass in the Second Age. It appears
the guy has more lives than the Energizer Bunny."
What the heck does Sauron have to do with rabbits? Eomer
wondered. And what is an 'Energizer'?
"Once a peckerhead, always a peckerhead, I guess," Elrond went
on. "It's not enough that we crush his armies and take his Ring, oh
no, the s.o.b. has to rise from the bloody dead and rain on everyone's
parade. What I wouldn't give to nail his scrawny hide to the door, to
tie him down over an anthill and pour honey all over his mottled frame,
to gouge out his eyes and cut out his tongue and rip out his heart
and - !"
Eomer rushed to interrupt Elrond, who's growing rage was
threatening to make his bladder rebel.
"What we in the mortal domains were wondering about is what aid we
might expect from the Noldo in the war that brews."
"I myself have been pondering that very question," Elrond intoned
solemnly, then downed a mug of wine. One of the elf-maidens jumped and
squeaked. Elrond grinned at her lewdly before removing his hand from
her shapely behind.
"My lord?"
"Aid, right," Elrond leaned forward. "As you know, we elves are
few in number. It'll take some time to raise troops and march south,
perhaps a very long time; but we'll come, have no fear."
Yeah, Eomer thought, and the check is in the mail.
"Of course, we don't have much in the way of gold, either, to
support your own efforts until we can provide more substantial aid."
Eomer pondered briefly over how much cash it'd taken to throw this
little shindig of Elrond's, but one look at the maidens sitting on
Elrond's lap - and the memory of Elrond's recent rage - silenced any
comments he might've entertained making.
"We can of course use our spell-craft to locate mighty artifacts
to give you strength against the Dark One, but alas, we won't have the
time to actually go get them for you. You'd have to do that, I'm
afraid."
Sure, Eomer thought sourly, you find 'em and we get eaten by
whatever demon happens to be guarding them.
"Still, there is one thing I can do for you right now. If we
elves excel at anything, it's raising morale amongst the people. I
could lend you some of our folk to give heart to your troops."
"Minstrels?!" Eomer squawked in disbelief, his hopes for real
assistance dashed.
"Nope, something new we've cooked up. We've been using them to
inspire our teams at athletic events, but I don't see why they couldn't
be put to use on the field of battle. They're called 'cheerleaders'."
"And what strange profession is this?" Eomer asked, not trusting
himself to pronounce the odd elven word correctly.
"One only open to young elven women between the ages of fourteen
and eighteen. It seems that this be the age where they are most
effective in exhorting our men to great efforts."
"'Tis some strange sorcery?"
Elrond smiled. "Of a sort. I think you'll be be pleased. Come,
I've prepared a demonstration for you."
Getting up from the desk, Elrond slapped the two maidens on the
ass and sent them back to the celebration (much to Eomer's relief),
then led the Rohirric lord to a small field out back of the Great
House. What greeted Eomer's eyes stopped his breath and nearly his
heart as well.
Lined up before him were twelve elven girls of unparalleled
beauty, fresh with the exuberance of youth. But what made these twelve
special were their garments, their...uniforms, for want of a better
word. The top was made of a skin-tight material which stretched
taughtly over young, most-definitely-firm- but-certainly-unsupported
breasts, leaving slim neck and arms bare to the sun. The lower half
was a skirt - if you could call it that - which barely covered the
silky-smooth upper thighs, highlighting firm, muscular legs and
taunting the eye with the idea that you could almost see under the
skirt, if you tried hard enough. The whole outfit was outrageously
indecent, shocking; and Eomer found his blood beginning to boil with an
unbridled lust he thought had been burned out of him several days ago.
'Quite unseemly', Eomer thought, 'and most definitely illegal.'
The observation did nothing to slow the pumping of his hormones.
He turned to say something to Elrond, but found that his labored
breathing was interfering something fierce with his tongue.
Elrond grinned. "You see now what I mean, eh? But if you think
this is good, then watch what comes next."
Elrond clapped his hands and the young women began a series of
complex chants, gyrations, and gymnastic maneuvers which demonstrated
quite readily just how flexible (so very flexible!) their teenage
bodies were. Eomer found that if any of the girls moved faster than a
walk you could most definitely see under their skirts, without having
to bend over at all. In fact, the girls seemed inordinately fond of
routines which demonstrated just how easy it was to see under those
skirts. What he did see made him nearly faint with desire.
Not taking his eyes off the continuing demonstration, Elrond said
"I've found this a most effective way to inspire men to great heights,
though sometimes the ladies prove a bit too distracting. I'd suggest
using them just prior to the battle, then removing them from the field
before you actually engage the enemy. Else the eyes of your men may
wander at a critical moment."
Eomer ogled.
"Of course, being young and possessed of hearty appetites, along
with great endurance - they're elven, after all - I'd need a brave soul
to keep watch on them so they don't dally with mortals." Elrond turned
to look at Eomer. "If you know what I mean."
That got Eomer's attention. He thought his face couldn't get any
redder if he stuck it in a camp fire.
"Such liasons can prove deadly to mortals."
"Oh," Eomer replied, looking down to intently study an imaginary
piece of lint on his jacket. Anywhere but at the undulating young
ladies before him.
"But 'twould be foolish to deny them their desires when mayhap
they'll be gone from Imladris for months. As even you mortals no doubt
know, kids are impossible to control in these matters. And we can't
have them consorting with mortal commoners."
A chill wind blew down Eomer's spine as premonition touched his
soul. Elrond locked gazes with him.
"Perhaps the son of mortal royalty could keep them satisfied with
their lot so far from home? I think so. Oh yes, I think so."
Eomer thought of the month it would take to return to Rohan with
the 'cheerleaders' in tow, and of the many months the war would
possibly rage before the Noldo came south with troops and called back
their daughters. He felt the icy fingers of imminent doom grasping him
by the...well, grasping him someplace he didn't much like.
And there were twelve of these 'cheerleaders'.
Eomer was suddenly feeling very, very old.
Elrond laughed, then slapped the mortal on the back.
"Don't fret so much, son. If you can survive this, taking out the
Dark Lord will be a walk in the park."
Done with their demonstration, the girls began to cluster around
Eomer. He soon found himself looking down into the exposed cleavage of
a dozen young women.
There're definitely worse ways to die, he thought. Most
definitely.
Last Word
=========
For those of you who may not know, the First and Last Words of the
Mouth are reserved for the commentary of your kindly editors. They
often have nothing to do with anything that might interest you, and (at
least in my case) veer off into totally irrelevant tangents on a
regular basis. Being an editor, I figure it's my perk for doing part
of the job of putting this sucker together. Being the reader, it's
your perogative to simply skip this part if you so choose.
Dave and Rochelle's piece on Theoden inspired me to do my own
tongue-in-cheek version of events at Imladris, with a small dose of
culturally unacceptable erotica thrown in. I'd apologize if you were
offended, but since I can't possibly say such a thing with any sort of
conviction I'll simply opt for hate-email. You know where I live.
To other things: I'm hoping the email format of our game allows for
greater communication. Already I'm seeing an enormous jump in my mail
activity (almost as much as I had when the Mouth was running with a
full distribution list), but as yet no barbs from the enemy. I look
forward to trading truly twisted insults with my opponents. Even now I
ponder the questionable parentage of the Witch-King....
Submit! Submit! No, not a cry you hear from Elrond's little party,
but rather a call for stuff to print. Write up stories or commentary
on events, battles, etc., real or imagined, and turn them in to us. In
fact, write up any ol' thing even remotely connected to Middle-Earth
and we'll publish it. Articles, fiction, nonfiction, it doesn't
matter; we're very nondiscriminating editorial types (hence the
Imladris piece). Remember that so far the Mouth is only going out to
25 people, so our readership is limited (as is our base for source
material). Just do us the favor of not making personal insults
directly to a player; saying "Jack, your mother is a dog" is much
different than saying "Murazor, your mother was a jackal and your
father the spawn of demons." In other words, make a clear distinction
between the game and the real world when there's the possibility of
getting someone's dander up - we aren't in the business of starting or
supporting flame wars (you got the whole internet for that).
I wish you all a good game and I look forward to a fight of epic
proportions - though far from my homeland, of course....
Tom